Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Who TF Would Fall for This Shit?

Here is one of the Dumbest e-Mails I've received in my lifetime. The R-HTK4 is the name for an Asian cell phone.

Since the image might be a little hard to read, here is the full text:


Due to the congestion in our mail server and frequent receipt of spam emails, All e-mail ID needs to be updated with our F-Secure R-HTK4S new version anti-spam/anti-virus/anti-spyware 2013. You are required to fill the details below and send back to us, these information would allow us validate your account and avoid it being suspended.

Full name:
Re-confirm Password:

Thanks for using our webmail services.
Mail Administrator.
                                                                     © Copyright 2013. All rights reserved.

"This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error, please notify the system manager and delete it from your system. Please note that any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the Institute. The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. This department accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this Email."

Asterisk A. Ant

Monday, April 1, 2013

Today's Butt Chap

Don't companies who try to sell you shit under the guise of being a government agency really chap your behind?

Just take a close look at the redacted mail piece below our beautiful official female butt-chap human.

Don't worry, I'm not going to bite her... it's not even me, it's a tattoo. Whoda thunk it? Tattooing an ant on your behind.

This piece of caca is obviously targeted at overwhelmed small business people and harried clerical departments.

Open this up....

and you get something that looks like a government invoice and an orderform for $19.95 and $5.95 postage and handling.

When on the State of Colorado government website they are FREE, either by download or by mail.

OK, one sort-of pseudo defense for the people who sent this out, there are lots of people who charge more, much more --- but their mailings don't look like they come from an official government agency.

Bite you later...
Asterisk A. Ant, Esq.
P.S. Thought about calling these posts Today's Bite on the Butt... but thought some people might be offended at that. Let me know what you think? Majority rules.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Go Ahead, Write that Freakin' Check

Open an envelope, get free money! How cool is that?



I guess it all depends on somebody's definition of FREE. But we all get them. You know, the envelope from your credit card company that says. Hey, dude, use these checks to buy shit, and don't pay any interest --- ZERO percent.


OK, so the first small print (right next to the big ZERO) says "during promotional period. OK, so you know and I know the odds of actually paying that sucker off before the end of the promotional period are about the same as being crowned Queen (or King) of England when you were born and raised in Cody, Wyoming.

ass-ta-riskA little mark called an ASS-TA-RISK tells you to look for even smaller fine print somewhere else on the piece of paper. Where you'll probably find out that amounts still due after the end of the promotion period will be subject to their normal interest rate of 24 percent, or is that 24,000 percent? Who knows?

Then, clear down at the bottom, way down at the bottom--where you don't see it until after you've already written out a couple of the damned checks--it says...

Checks used in this promotion have a 4% transaction fee. Hmmmmm... 4 freaking percent. Then right there next to that in small print is ($5.00 minimum, NO maximum).

So, you probably already know that a very large number of the people who actually use these checks use them for:

1) paying off other credit card balances
2) paying for a big ticket item
3) paying for their kid's freakin' college tuition

Speaking of college, let's pretend we're in a math class for a second.

OK, so you use one of those checks to by a new TV for $1,000. Bingo $40 added on-top for the transaction fee. Oh, and by the way if you don't pay that $40 off before the end of the promotion period, it's subject to 24 million percent interest, too.

What about $10,000 for your kid's tuition? Now the initial vig (excuse me, transaction fee) is $400. Sounds like a pretty decent car payment to me.

Or suppose that $10,000 is a balance transfer from ANOTHER credit card? There's ANOTHER set of small print, even smaller I think, for balance transfers. Aside from the transaction fee and all this other crap, you have to ask yourself.

"If I couldn't pay off the OTHER credit card, what the HELL makes me think I'm going to pay this one off before the end of the promotional period???"

So, you've got a $400 transaction fee, another unspecified amount (that I guess can change on the whims of the credit card company) in balance transfer fees and adjustments, then you have the freaking NORMAL interest rate (think the altitude of John Glenn's first orbital flight) that kicks in on the unpaid balance.

Hell of a deal? My ass-ta-risk!

Asterisk A. Ant, Esq.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

We All Have 'Em

You know, the little things that drive us nuts.

It could be fewer than a dozen or more than a hundred for each of us. The little bitty tiny things, smaller than an ant's ass individually...but when you put a bunch of them together. Look out!

Drive a car? You've got dozens.
Have a couple of kids? You've got hundreds.
Have a boss? Hmmmm.... My current boss is me, so...

As the old guy says... "Don't know how regular I'll be...but I'll be around."

Asterisk A. Ant, Esq.